btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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