I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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