i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
