Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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