It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i came on her dog
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sex in a hospital.. check
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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