it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm at about main and main street
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
