I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
