you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
