did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
