I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
