I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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