shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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