well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
