i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
