Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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