I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
