the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
