i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
