He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize