dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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