i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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