I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
