see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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