I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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