I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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