I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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