i permit you to call me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
