You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
