you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
