We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
