I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
