This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
