this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
