Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
