He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
