The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
