Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
