What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
