But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
