And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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