I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
