By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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