i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
