I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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