The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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