God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
