She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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