Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
