You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
