I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
