Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
