even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
