she was so not down for the gang bang
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
