I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
