make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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