Someone shit on the floor
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
