You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
