the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
