hotel room ftw
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
