4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
