They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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