dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
