So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
