I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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