I faked an abortion last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize