You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
