OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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